oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
[personal profile] oiran
EMDR: stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I had to look that up, actually, even though I've been doing the therapy for a couple of months now.  It's used for PTSD, among other things. According to the wikipedia article, it's somewhat more controversial than I'd thought. Huh. The idea is that traumatic memories have been improperly or incompletely processed and thus continue to be distressing and immediate and intrusive; by readdressing them with EMDR, one attempts to essentially re-remember them in an appropriate context - as something past, not something present and constant.

My particular therapist uses alternating tones in headphones to stimulate REM. I sit there and...remember. I talk about what I'm remembering, but usually only when she asks me direct questions. I cry a lot, because, well, I do. It's very unlike the endless hours of therapy I've had in the past, where I talked and talked and talked about various memories without it seeming to do much of anything except make me miserable. This has seemed to help me feel better, and I also feel somehow physically lighter. I was very low before doing this therapy - just crying all the time and feeling absolutely hopeless and miserable. My situation hasn't changed for better or worse in any other way, so I have to attribute the improvement to the therapy.

I also quit taking antidepressants a few months ago. They were making me fat and moody, which was certainly adding to the depression.

Anyway, all this to say that I've been in a better frame of mind, which is the only reason I've been able to post anything at all on LJ. However, it is still ridiculously difficult for me to go ahead and actually post.

Andrej Pejic: One of the prettiest imaginable pretty boys. The only way I could imagine finding Andrej more attractive would be if he had an identical twin. 
andrej pejic

I glommed onto images of this boy some months back, as this is much how I have pictured a character in a story I've been working on. Heaven forbid anyone look anything other than otherworldly gorgeous in a story, amirite?

He's 19, born in Serbia, now living in Australia, and he's been modeling in both menswear and womenswear shows this past season. He seems to wear a fair amount of what would be considered "women's" clothing in his day-to-day and that has no doubt contributed to the fairly significant number of media reports that identify him as transgendered or transsexual. To the best of my (obviously limited) knowledge, he doesn't identify as trans-anything, but it's interesting and a bit disheartening how determined even well-meaning people can be about cramming outliers into pre-existing boxes.

A nicely-done and fairly comprehensive profile from Aussie TV (and same video linked again here - I just want to make sure I "have" it, since I can't figure out how to download it.)

Related: Anyone know of a good .flv grabber? None of the ones I have tried seem to work.

Date: 2011-02-23 12:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rhiannonhero.livejournal.com
On iPad, excuse typos and stilted phrasing. That boy is lovely!!

Date: 2011-02-23 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oiran.livejournal.com
He is! Ridiculously lovely! He gives every impression of being a decent sort of person, as well, which is just a bonus.

Date: 2011-02-23 12:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] justblue0162.livejournal.com
it's good to see you again ♥

Date: 2011-02-23 03:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oiran.livejournal.com
Thanks :) It's good to see you, too.

Date: 2011-02-23 02:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] isagel.livejournal.com
I'm always thrilled to see you around, even if it's only the odd post here and there, and I'm very glad you've found a form of therapy that makes you feel better. Crossing my fingers that it will continue to do so.

Christ, but that boy is beyond beautiful. That photo on the right is startlingly gorgeous.

Date: 2011-02-23 03:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oiran.livejournal.com
Thank you :) I miss being on LJ and am going to try to get back to reading/posting more regularly. I know I was happier when I spent more time participating, and I'm not entirely sure why I thought I had to stop.

Date: 2011-02-23 03:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] twigged.livejournal.com
I'm glad you're feeling better, bb. <3

Date: 2011-02-23 03:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oiran.livejournal.com
I am, too :)

Where's that vacation recap, eh? I'm dying to know more about your trip.

Date: 2011-02-24 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] twigged.livejournal.com
I'm going to try to get it up this weekend (lol says that EVERY weekend). I took like 1200 pics and have been working on editing them down to a manageable number for printing & sharing. My LJ update has taken a backseat, as usual.

Date: 2011-02-23 11:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tehomet.livejournal.com
I'm glad you feel better, and I do hope you continue to. ♥

I know what you mean about finding posting on lj a bit challenging.

That boy is beautiful. *sigh*

Date: 2011-02-23 08:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oiran.livejournal.com
Thank you :)

It's been so long since I've posted (or read) regularly that it just seems impossible to catch up and it's easier to just not. On the other hand, I feel like I was happier when I used LJ more, and I can always use more happy...

Date: 2011-02-23 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] disbelief11.livejournal.com
I'm glad your EMDR is helping! Anything that helps is good, I figure. I've just started doing EFT (not electronic funds transfer but emotional freedom technique) and it seems to be helping too. Yay us!

glad to see you here, too.

Date: 2011-02-23 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] oiran.livejournal.com
EFT sounds interesting - and seems to have the same sort of why-does-this-work? controversies as does EMDR. Whatever. So long as it's working, I'm satisfied!

Date: 2011-04-05 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zeldadestry.livejournal.com
This has seemed to help me feel better, and I also feel somehow physically lighter.
That's awesome, I hope it is continuing to help!

I don't know if you're interested in meditation at all, and this may not apply to yr particular concerns, but, just in case it does, this article http://www.yogajournal.com/health/2601 (scroll down to "reduce your stress") talks about recent research suggesting that mindfulness meditation helps with managing anxiety. (the article talks about three different types of meditation and the associated benefits, but, given what you were talking about in yr post, I thought that part might have the most relevance.)

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