scissors and pills

I dunno. I'm depressed and thinking that it sucks, I suck, that everything sucks. I was in a really good mood today until I found out about how much I'm costing my brother, and now I just feel like the biggest bum in the world. And I'm sitting here all teary and stuff...bleh. Of course, menstrual cycle could be playing into things here. And Mr. Rhi's all like, "You need to finish your novel. I know it will be great. And are you sure you aren't doing this counseling thing just because you're afraid of failing with the novel?" And I'm like,"I don't know, but I can't live this way for another ten years, and I can't write the novel when all my hopes of getting out of this situation, and not being a burden on my family is all mixed up with it." Then I feel guilty because I'm not working on it. And maybe Peter and Adam hate me! Maybe I don't have the skill to make that story work at all! *curls up in ball* I'm a big whiny baby. This is completely not about the beta, you realize. I'm just having a crisis of self.