oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
shut-in: Last night I psyched myself up to leave the house today. I told myself that I'd get up early (for me) and make it out to the coffeeshop to get coffee and a muffin--something I used to manage every day, but haven't been doing on a regular basis for some months now due to apathy and resignation. Of course, this was the morning that the Mr. decided to be very late for work and made a special trip back home to bring me coffee and a muffin. So. Without a specific goal, there seems to be no point to going anywhere, so I haven't and probably won't. 

As mentioned, I used to go to the coffeeshop in my neighborhood on a daily basis. I had hopes that I might somehow meet people there, but that never did happen. The closest I came to making a friend was this guy who liked to buy me coffee every now and then, but he absolutely did not want to talk to me (I tried) which I didn't really understand. I would occasionally run into my next-door neighbor there but we have never gotten any closer than trading hellos despite sharing a fence. Something I also found discouraging was the realization early on that the owners, the employees, and a large percentage of the customers who sit in the shop throughout the day are seriously Christian. People sit there with big stacks of religious books and chat earnestly with one another about bible-y things and it makes me very uncomfortable, even though a lot of them are obviously progressive hipster Christians with big Jesus tattoos. So, maybe it's just not my crowd. Unfortunately, have no idea where my crowd is, and I've had more than a decade to find it. 

I'm not getting any writing done, and haven't for years. I guess I need a job, or something job-like, to take up my time and give me a reason to leave the house. Of note, this would also justify new shoe purchases, as I am passing up lots of cute shoes due to having nowhere to wear them.

dirty old men: I have long desired a shiny new fandom, but the problem is that I just really don't see the slash in any of the things people are enthusiastic about. Imagine my horror when, watching the preview of the HBO series Luck, the slashiest thing I have seen in years was scene between wattle-necked Dustin Hoffman and Dennis Farina. Even the Mr. thought it was slashy, but there's no way I'm writing that
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
Thanks to multiple trips to the mall in recent days, I have a head full of Christmas songs, all of them poppy and irritating. I have "All I Want For Christmas Is You" on mental repeat, along with a million versions of "Last Christmas." Because I am permanently too cool  for Top 40, I did not know who sang the "All I Want" song until I looked it up, at which point I discovered that I share a birthday with Mariah Carey. This is neither good nor bad news, I suppose, except it makes me feel more connected to a song that I'd just as soon never hear again. I was going to say that I prefer "classic" Xmas music if I have to listen to Xmas music, except then I realized that these songs are pretty old and are probably considered classics already by a lot of people. Also, that's not really true, since my favorite holiday music currently is Tori Amos's Midwinter Graces from a few years ago. I bought it on my ipod while I was working on Rhi's advent calendar (with Rhi's help) and subsequently lost it when I thought I was actually backing it up. I hate iTunes. I was unable to find a link to the lovely "A Winter's Carol" except for a snippet on the amazon page, but here's another of my favorites: Holly, Ivy and Rose, which she sings with her daughter (and which kicks into gear at about the 1:30 mark). 

The Mr.'s work party was on Friday and I survived unscathed, for the most part. It took place at a popular restaurant/bar at the back of the bar area and it was dark, incredibly loud, and absolutely crammed full of people, both party attendees and bar patrons. I looked very nice and was, if anything, somewhat over-dressed. I wore heels and ended up being one of the tallest people in the room, which did make me feel a bit conspicuous. Thankfully, I really didn't have to talk to anyone beyond introductions, so my worries about coming up with things to say were all for naught. Still, it was tempting to just get drunk, but I limited myself to a single drink once I realized that there wasn't anything I was willing to eat from the buffet. Despite the fact that there was nothing required of me whatsoever, I remained on stressed-out high alert until long after the party was over. I was also starving, so the Mr. was kind enough to fry me some eggs.   

And in other Mr.-cooking-related news, he woke me up this morning with fresh coffee and a piece of homemade apple pie, which strikes me as one of the better ways of being awakened!

party girl

Dec. 9th, 2011 03:39 pm
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
A couple of days ago, the Mr. informed me that the dress code for the party tonight was revised down from the confusing men-must-wear-jackets-but-cocktail-dresses-are-too-dressy dictate to the slightly less confusing "nice casual." He happened to text me just as I was about to enter the mall, so I was able to revise my search somewhat, and ended up with this sequin top (which necessitated a new bra) and a new pair of jeans. I have never before paid full price for a pair of high-end jeans and I am doubtful that they will end up being worth it, although they look very nice on me. They are on the verge of being too short, though the salesgirl assured me that I can return them if they shrink. I don't actually believe her. I am wearing them as I type, and they have that delicious, musky indigo dye smell that almost guarantees that they're turning my legs blue. 

Since I've made such a big deal out of putting together this outfit, I might as well detail the rest: black suede wedge booties, a black hair calf clutch, and a black cashmere wrap because it's damn cold today. 

I'm fairly anxious about meeting people at this thing. I have always enjoyed meeting people from LJ because I can be fairly certain that anyone who knows me from LJ already understands that I'm spazzy and won't be put off by that. Unfortunately, if this party resembles any other event I've attended related to the Mr.'s work, there will be a lot of people looking askance at me and my cloud of nervous energy. I am also dreading trying to come up with things to say. I have no conversational topics to fall back on--chronic, crushing depression aside--so I can only hope to find someone extremely self-centered and talkative for whom I can be a good listener. 

At least my hair looks glorious. Wish me luck.
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
My dad just sent me a 22-page poem that he apparently wrote and wants me to read. A 22-PAGE POEM. WTF.

I don't have much of a relationship with my family atm, and this strikes me as being a particularly unlikely icebreaker. A 22-page poem. Jesus Christ. I barely read poetry by actual poets.

I'm mostly amused by the idea, but that doesn't mean I want to read it.
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
culture: Rhi and I went to see Tori Amos in Atlanta this past week. Her most recent album, Night of Hunters, is based on classical pieces and so she's touring with a string quartet (the Apollon Musagète Quartett) instead of her usual band. While it was nice to hear the new songs, what I enjoyed most was hearing some of her older songs arranged for strings - this recording of Cruel with jittery, percussive strings is a good example of what the quartet was able to add. As is usual for a Tori show, I had strong emotional reactions to the music (i.e., copious tears). The setlist and video of most of the songs (albeit of variable quality) is here. Here's additional video of the quartet's encore piece played without Tori for my own reference. 

The next morning, we went to the High Museum of Art and saw Picasso to Warhol. It's a selection of works from 14 "modern masters" including two of my favorites, Marcel Duchamp and Jasper Johns. This exhibition was apparently put together especially for the High from the collections at MoMA. Most of the works were familiar to me from reproductions but, other than the Duchamps and Romare Bearden stuff, I think I was seeing all of it in the flesh for the first time. Out of 14, Louise Bourgeois was the only woman represented and probably the artist whose work I was least familiar with. I can't say I like her art, but it was interesting. Prints of unhappy anthropomorphic architectures; drawings of hairy, pod-like forms with cysts; and a couple of vertically-oriented crude sculptures, one with a distinct resemblance to an IKEA CD storage tower. We were a little pressed for time and managed to somehow entirely miss the room with the Calder sculptures.

My favorite pieces from the show were:

Jasper Johns' Summer
jasper johns summer

Romare Bearden's Patchwork Quilt
bearden patchwork quilt

and Marcel Duchamp's Boite en Valise.
duchamps boite en valise

dress: The search for a dress-up (but not too dressy) outfit continues. The Mr. and I braved the weekend crowds and went to the nice mall. I did finally buy a dress, but I wasn't thrilled about it at the time, and now that I have it home, I kind of hate it. It's a boring black sack (with cute-ish sleeves) that makes me look dumpy. It also cost $170, which is not the kind of money I want to spend on a dress I'm not enthusiastic about. When I can face going to the mall again, I'll take it back. I think I'm going to end up wearing a dress I bought 20 years ago that is fairly festive, is (maybe) timeless, and also looks good on me.
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
dress code vagaries: The Mr.'s company is having a non-denominational holiday party in about three weeks and I have nothing to wear. The dress code requests that gentlemen wear jackets, but cocktail dresses on ladies have been deemed "too dressy." The party is taking place from 6:30 to 8:30 PM (a very narrow slot IMO), which seems quite cocktail-dress-appropriate to me, but what do I know? I'm having trouble picturing what a lady wears when the man is required to wear a jacket yet she's not supposed to be "too dressy." Sparkly top and...jeans with heels? Sparkly top and...random skirt? Anyone have any ideas? Because I think it ought to be holiday-ish, I'm going to have to get something fresh regardless. As an example, I was thinking something like this sequined jacket, which is expensive and impractical but screams HOLIDAY!

Fretting about what to wear is at least a distraction from the fact that I won't know anyone there and I haven't been to a social event in literal years and am not sure I know how to behave in public at this point.

laundry: When we moved to Nashville, we bought a used top-loader washer and dryer that were already very old, and we've proceeded to use the shit out of them for ~12 years and now they're done. The front legs have broken off of the washer and it has lost two of its three main cycles and is permanently off balance. The dryer has fared better, but still creaks and wheezes and makes loud metal-on-metal scraping sounds with each rotation of the drum. This past weekend, we bought ourselves a fancy (not really) new front-loader LG washer/dryer set and it will be delivered later today. I am actually a little giddy at the prospect of doing some laundry!

oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
So, last night the Mr. and I contemplated going out to see Swans, but instead stayed home and watched the Spice Girls movie. ON PURPOSE.

I saw Swans back in 1990 or thereabouts and they were amazing, which was probably mostly them but possibly also somewhat attributable to the Southern Comfort + handful of cold pills I was on at the time. The Spice Girls movie is not amazing, but it didn't require putting on a bra and shoes.

mardi gras

Mar. 14th, 2011 03:09 pm
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)

Whether it's a travel residual or a symptom of my mental health diagnosis, I'm full of the certainty that something marvelous is happening and that I could/should/would be at the bright center of it if only I hadn't had to leave for home. Eventually, this will wear off, and I'll be back in my usual sulk.

Mardi Gras: Was it any fun? )

Midweek, I was pretty sure I'd never do Mardi Gras again; now, I'm pretty sure I would. As I'd feared, I did end up feeling kind of like an asshole without a costume, and next time I'd definitely wear at least a hat.

(apologies if this looks wonky - there are a ton of unintended font tags that somehow got into the coding that I can't seem to fix)

oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
As part of a longer, more complicated narrative, I dreamed that I was reading a series of books that were licensed novelizations of Lady Gaga's (purported) life, each packaged with accessories and props related to the story--masks, champagne glasses, ribbons, etc. One story had her going up against some sort of international spies and being captured, whereupon she was "sexually tormented" by her captors, That book came with a vibrator so that the reader could also experience sexual torment--or, you know, sexual whatever.

It was at that point that I woke up. I'm not particularly a fan of Lady Gaga, but now that the idea is in my head, I'm very disappointed that there isn't actually a series of accessorized Lady Gaga adventure books. It seems sort of perfect for her.
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
black swan )
I am currently sitting at my favorite table at the coffeeshop near my house, and even though my battery is dying and I'm maximally caffeinated, I am loath to leave because I almost never get to sit at this table and I don't want to give it up. In fact, most days I can't get any table at all, and end up back at home sulking, which is just about as conducive to writing as one might expect.
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
I'd been putting it off, but I finally wrote an email to the former neighbor who, approximately eight years ago, left his grandmother's spinet at our house for temporary storage, to ask what he wants done with it. Logic and everything else tell me that I'm perfectly within my rights to ask this piano-abandoner what he's going to do to make the situation right (i.e., spinet out), but it felt dreadfully awkward in the asking--some nice-ish social noises to either side of a flat demand, basically. It's not as though I'm using the dining room as anything but a sort of lost-luggage area, but if I did happen to get a decent table and chairs it'd be nice to have a place to put them.

I suppose it is possible we could end up with a decent table and chairs, though. The Mr. and I are on a quest to make our house more presentable and adult-like, which will eventually require major remodeling both upstairs and down. That way, should we ever make friends with people in Nashville (something at which we have failed, to date) we could invite them over without suffering paroxysms of shame at our hoarder-like environs. In the meantime, we did get this couch in a rather gorgeous cognac velvet but are waiting to have it delivered until after I finish repainting the living room. It's going from a depresses-me-to-look-at-it 80s-type green to a sort of dusty orange-gold which will, if nothing else, at least be a change.

I am going to visit Rhi tomorrow and we are going to see Burlesque.
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
Yesterday I spent far more time in the pharmacy than my errand warranted - my prescription was mislaid, or some such - and met a man with a significant brain injury who was also waiting on medication. I wasn't certain at first that there was anything actually wrong with him because he initially spoke to me of Our Lord and, living in the South, people without brain injuries do think it perfectly acceptable to accost strangers and preach to them about Blessed Jesus. However, he did get around to telling me about a head-on collision with a firetruck and actually said the words "brain injury," thus confirming my suspicions. I felt a little less guarded then, and was able to respond to his comments about his very large family, his wishes for the holidays, and his Jesus, with perhaps more sincerity than before, albeit without any notable content. I said a lot of things like, "Oh, really?" "That's nice," and "I hope you have a good Thanksgiving, too."

At one point, he expressed a liking for all kinds of music, but especially gospel. He also cited a 6-year history with some sort of choral group. I asked if he still sang, at which point he asked, "Do you want me to sing a solo?" as if he were shocked I would make such a brazen request. I hadn't really meant to ask him any such thing, but I said, "Sure." He sang a wavering, atonal version of Amazing Grace in its entirety while staring into my eyes. It was riveting and horrifying and kind of awesome.


Feb. 15th, 2010 07:23 pm
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
The Mr. got me a B&N nook reader. Shiny, new toys make me happy.

books 2010

Jan. 29th, 2010 12:57 pm
oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
I always mean to keep track of what I read, and this year I will actually do it.*

The Piano Teacher by Janice K. Yee )

The Magicians by Lev Grossman )Uglies series by Scott Westerfeld )

Beat the Reaper by Josh Bazell )

Just Kids by Patti Smith )

*at least for a little while, until I lose track of time again, like always, and forget to post and become overwhelmed. But, here at the beginning, the plan is in place and I have hope that this time, magically, I will be able to sustain awareness/attention over a full 12 months.

oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
I'm cross-posting this from a Dreamwidth account and would encourage you to add me there and/or let me know your Dreamwidth ID so that I can add you. I've got two DW journals active. This one will be the default for general posting, and the other ( [personal profile] nixy  )will remain more or less dedicated to my on-again-off-again obsession with Sims 2 (sadly and mostly inadvertently put by the wayside for months now). Depending on which journal you're reading, you may wish to take the opportunity to add the second one (or drop me entirely, for that matter). I originally got a DW account to use as a backup for the LJ accounts, but the cross-posting feature makes it very tempting to move camp entirely to Dreamwidth, provided everyone else is using it, too.

All the social/networking/blogging options overwhelm me. I only recently gave in to both Facebook and Twitter. Despite allowing me to reconnect with an old friend both online and in person, Facebook mostly annoys me. It's a terrible blogging platform, and yet I am compelled to check it frequently. I am also irked that, although I have a username, Facebook doesn't let me actually use it anywhere and everything is under my parent-given name. Everyone has called me "Jed" for more than a decade and it's odd to see my given name next to my picture. Twitter, happily, has turned out to be delightful. It's fun to play within the character limit, and I've taken to writing retarded haiku about mundane things to amuse myself. Mostly myself, since I have very few Twitter contacts. I'm jed_bird there, fwiw, if your capacity for retarded haiku is not already maxed out.

oiran: cherry blossom (Default)
Over the holidays, I've had a death in the family, a joyous reunion with an old friend, and a wonderful icy, slushy, dirty xmas in NYC. Prior to that, I spent ~3 years in a depressed fog from which, mostly and most thankfully, I have been granted a chemical reprieve. I did very little writing, very little getting dressed and practically no leaving the house during that time, plus my little lovebird died of old age and I broke my foot, so there's not really much more that needs to be said about the general 2005-2009 period.

I sincerely hope some of you still have me on your filters. How have you all been?

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