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automasochistic tendencies
Sep. 8th, 2004 08:04 pmInternet connection has been iffy and I have been correspondingly lazy. Betas...? Haven't done them. Will do ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shaggirl's posthaste. Well, after I get some ice cream.
Rode my bike today. Headwinds both directions - so unfair. The gleeful monster in my head kept taunting and goading: It's just pain, you big, stupid baby. Eventually it will stop. Pedal harder! Did a few laps around the parking area just to let my body reabsorb the lactic acid (funny, but I don't enjoy puking). Would have forced myself to ride another long loop along the trail except my vision was going hazy from overexertion. It's probably just as well I don't have a riding friend; I'm not a fun person to ride with. I'm...automasochistic, I suppose. Because, see, if anyone else tries to hurt me, I'll kill them.
I'm trying to organize myself a bit for even just registering with temp agencies. I am looking at my resume with trepidation and, frankly, disinterest. Part of me is trying to imagine what I want for a "career," and the other part is just thinking, "fuck it." My resume looks...preposterous. The document describes an uneducated secretary who somehow cured cancer for a few years. And there's the issue of the year and a half gap between last job and the present day, as well as the fact that I'm not sure I can count on my last job to give me anything other than a lackluster review for a number of irritating reasons that are completely unrelated to my actual job performance.
I could not sleep last night for worrying just about the possible inadequacy of my resume. I finally fell asleep about 7:30 this morning, after moving from bed #1 to bed #2 to the couch and drinking some coffee. For whatever reason, drinking coffee seems to end the nervous insomnia in a manner akin to a brick to the head. Or so I'm guessing.
On top of my anxiety, you would not believe how little employers here think they need to pay people. For some reason, there is a mass delusion that $7/hr is a living wage. I made $23/hr or so at my last job. I know I can't make that here, much less while temping, but it seems like an insult to expect someone to actually care about the effort they put in for your business when you obviously don't value the work, either.
My reasons for wanting a job at all:
1. Make Mr. Glove happy and contribute to household in some way.
2. Be able to justify having some of the brand-new emerald-green leather goods from Coach.
That's it. I have no further goals that I believe can be achieved via paid employment.
Just deleted a number of boring paragraphs about the minutiae of my life. As it is, I have been leaking friends from my list like sand through a sieve, probably because I talk too much about things other than Smallville. Fine. Be that way.
shaggirl's posthaste. Well, after I get some ice cream.Rode my bike today. Headwinds both directions - so unfair. The gleeful monster in my head kept taunting and goading: It's just pain, you big, stupid baby. Eventually it will stop. Pedal harder! Did a few laps around the parking area just to let my body reabsorb the lactic acid (funny, but I don't enjoy puking). Would have forced myself to ride another long loop along the trail except my vision was going hazy from overexertion. It's probably just as well I don't have a riding friend; I'm not a fun person to ride with. I'm...automasochistic, I suppose. Because, see, if anyone else tries to hurt me, I'll kill them.
I'm trying to organize myself a bit for even just registering with temp agencies. I am looking at my resume with trepidation and, frankly, disinterest. Part of me is trying to imagine what I want for a "career," and the other part is just thinking, "fuck it." My resume looks...preposterous. The document describes an uneducated secretary who somehow cured cancer for a few years. And there's the issue of the year and a half gap between last job and the present day, as well as the fact that I'm not sure I can count on my last job to give me anything other than a lackluster review for a number of irritating reasons that are completely unrelated to my actual job performance.
I could not sleep last night for worrying just about the possible inadequacy of my resume. I finally fell asleep about 7:30 this morning, after moving from bed #1 to bed #2 to the couch and drinking some coffee. For whatever reason, drinking coffee seems to end the nervous insomnia in a manner akin to a brick to the head. Or so I'm guessing.
On top of my anxiety, you would not believe how little employers here think they need to pay people. For some reason, there is a mass delusion that $7/hr is a living wage. I made $23/hr or so at my last job. I know I can't make that here, much less while temping, but it seems like an insult to expect someone to actually care about the effort they put in for your business when you obviously don't value the work, either.
My reasons for wanting a job at all:
1. Make Mr. Glove happy and contribute to household in some way.
2. Be able to justify having some of the brand-new emerald-green leather goods from Coach.
That's it. I have no further goals that I believe can be achieved via paid employment.
Just deleted a number of boring paragraphs about the minutiae of my life. As it is, I have been leaking friends from my list like sand through a sieve, probably because I talk too much about things other than Smallville. Fine. Be that way.
