six more weeks of summer

[oiran]

out of my hole and casting shadows.

I'm not even going to try to catch up with anything or anyone. If you want me to know something, please tell me/link me. If you want to ask me something (like, say, "where have you been, you asshole?"), please feel free. I've been hanging back, waiting to have something compelling and of universal interest to impart, but the messages from beyond and big-picture summaries are slow in coming. Instead, I offer random whine:

I have a new computer. Toshiba P35-S6111 (I was going to link to it, but apparently the model is already discontinued). It's fancy, huge and heavy (10 lb!!!). I've actually had it since April, but I only installed a word processor two days ago: AbiWord 2.2, which is free and seems much fancier now than it did when I tried it out even a year ago. Obviously, I haven't gotten much writing done since April. Except where I said "much" you should read "any."

~~~

A person can spend what feel like highly productive days building homes in The Sims 2, yet have nothing concrete to show for their efforts. It is not unlike a job in this way.

~~~

It's bug season and fucking hot, which means I stay inside most of the time. Not that I wasn't doing that anyway, but now I have a reason anyone can understand. Despite staying indoors with the AC blasting and the lights off, I have a heat/sun rash and I have still managed to get bug bites everywhere (and I do mean everywhere), as well as poison ivy on my left ankle. I scratch in my sleep until I bleed. I develop bruises from the scratching that look completely and ominously unrelated to scratching. I've tried to wait until it cools (marginally) in the evenings so that I can put on long pants to do whatever errands I have to run because, until recently, I had "track marks," a faux handprint in black and green on the back of my right calf, what looked like the marks of a bamboo cane on the left, and various impact bruises on the outsides of my hips and thighs (which were, actually, from walking into things and not scratching). I'm a little less battered looking these last few days, but on those rare occasions when I do break my self-imposed social exile, people tend to stare, and I'm not sure if it's because I'm such an eye-catching frisky filly, or because I look like a poster for a domestic violence hotline.

~~~

A veiled explanation for my absence: Pills aren't helping any more, or at least not in the way they're supposed to. I tried another pill, but it made me pass out every time I tried to stand and made me feel even stupider than I usually do. I'm convinced that I'm getting dumber and dumber (because at least that explains what's happening to me and my never-too-solid "goals") anyway, so a pill that pushes me in that direction is most unwelcome. Also, the constant fainting spells and inability to stand upright weren't conducive to a healthy, active lifestyle.

A misanthropic downward slide combined with vitriolic self-loathing has me wading through hardening pools of mental tar. I'm just no fun at all these days - or at least I'm not fun when I'm alone. I need a caretaker, I think, to keep my mind off of me.

~~~

Mr. G tore the hideous, dog-stained carpet out of the future library and now we have hideous, pseudo-stone linoleum instead. There's actually wood beneath that, but surely there's something wrong with it or they'd never have covered it with lino, right? I'm expecting pentagrams and bloodstains, since viewing the boards from beneath reveals no obvious problems.

We have all kinds of home improvement notions that both thrill and terrify me. I do want a deck, and a treehouse (!!!), and to make the upstairs (my office, etc.) larger and nicer, but just tearing out the carpet made me so nervous and spiky that Mr. G finally told me to go away. He did it nicely.

~~~

If you out yourself to someone as a pornographer fan fiction writer and give them a link to your stories, but then they avoid you, that's a bad thing, isn't it?

~~~

Surly love is all I have on offer. Take some if you want.

Comments

[missu.livejournal.com]

*basks in the love*

I've missed you and your exquisite writing. Glad to hear from you even if it isn't all puppies and sunshine. Those fainting spells sound really awful and annoying.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

*irradiates you with love*

Yeah, the fainting was awful. And kind of scary. I actually spent some time crawling around the house because it meant less distance to fall. Thankfully, I seem to be back to just a normal amount of clumsy now.

[runpunkrun]

I'm afraid surly love might be my favorite kind. It's good to see you around.

While you were out, I picked up a new fandom. I'm sharing my time between Smallville and Due South now. I'm currently working on a story in third person omniscient. It's hard.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's good! I've never seen a single frame of due South, but I love the stories.

Third person omniscient is hard. I can't get my brain to accept it as doable, actually. I am always surprised that so many people seem to find it easiest to write. Trying to think omnisciently about even a little universe seems akin to being a good liar, remembering what you've said to everyone and making sure your stories match up. Of course, all the threads have to come together eventually in any other schema, but you sort of need to know it all from the start, rather than making it up as you go, in third person omniscient. Or maybe I'm wrong. Anyway, I'll look forward to reading it.

[runpunkrun]

I am not finding third o comfortable at all. I'm happiest when writing from a tight third limited (so tight it's basically first person). I know how to do that. This is a big change. I'm having to rethink the way to tell a story. Which is why I decided to try it as an experiment, a challenge, but I think once I finish this, I'll run back to my usual third limited.

I am having a few moments of fun being able to do things in 3rd o that I'd never be able to do in limited, but those moments of absurd glee don't balance out the stress of trying to tell everyone's story at once.

[j-bluestocking.livejournal.com]

A misanthropic downward slide combined with vitriolic self-loathing has me wading through hardening pools of mental tar.

Yes, but you express your misery with such talent!

If you out yourself to someone as a pornographer fan fiction writer and give them a link to your stories, but then they avoid you, that's a bad thing, isn't it?

Statistically, it usually just means that people tend to avoid reading other people's writing. Even when it's porn.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Yes, but you express your misery with such talent!

Heh. As mental anguish seems to be my main topic, I have plenty of opportunities to hone my prose.

Statistically, it usually just means that people tend to avoid reading other people's writing. Even when it's porn.

Unfortunately, in this case, I do think she probably didn't like it, as she really, really, really wanted the link...and now has disappeared. Or, perhaps, she's incoherent from porn overload. We'll see...

[vylit.livejournal.com]

It's good to have you back again, hon.

Do you have plans for expanding your office, yet? I know that I love open space and access to a window when I'm writing.

I hope you get your medication sorted out and feel better soon.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Thanks :)

We have no official plans for anything, and the office/upstairs remodel is the last on the list because of the upheaval it will cause, as well as the expense.

I have never had natural light in a workspace, which is awful. Our kitchen gets natural light, but it's the kitchen. We'll put a huge "dormer" across the back of the house to get the sun, as well as to at least double our upstairs space, and there will be a bunch of built-ins for storage and a better, bigger bathroom. It's kind of a grandiose scheme, as you can see.

I'm slightly suspicious that the medication issues are making things more complicated, rather than less so. Yet I'm so afraid of sinking into the depths that I don't want to stop any of it (nor is anyone suggesting that I do so). Gah. So, yeah, I hope it gets sorted out, too.

[littledrop.livejournal.com]

I've been wondering about you lately and, lo, here you are. It's nice to see a post from you, especially one with surly love.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Here I am. You can have a second helping of the surly, if you want :)

[littledrop.livejournal.com]

I'll take it. *glomps the surly*

[perclexed.livejournal.com]

I have missed you quite a lot. You haven't really missed much from me, aside from fibery natterings and a milestone birthday earlier this week. And love, for I do love you muchlly, and think of you often, though I am not one of your usual group.

Thinking good thoughs and non-scratchy vibes your way....

[oiran.livejournal.com]

It's terribly lame, but...Happy Belated Birthday! I have missed everyone's birthdays this year (including my mother's a little over a week ago!).

As for fibers, there is always a vicarious thrill in knowing about others' yarn purchases. There is a very nice yarn store here that I discovered just as the summer was starting - it reminds me of Weaving Works, which was the place I went most frequently in Seattle. However, I haven't let myself go back because 1) I can barely knit, and 2) I hoard fabric already, so I really don't need another fiber fetish.

I don't know that I have a usual group, actually. If more people lived in Tennessee, I certainly would! Regardless of where you think you fall, I do think of you, also. When I finally make it back to Seattle (it keeps not happening, much to my dismay) for a visit, you'll be expected to meet up with me at some point.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

I loathe the bugs, too. I can't go outside and sit on the patio due to the evil mosquitos. And they swarm into the house if I hold the door open too long! Evil!

[oiran.livejournal.com]

CHIGGERS!!!! Among other things, we have chiggers! For some reason, I had a vague idea that they'd stopped existing sometime around the end of the Civil War when everyone got to change out of their bug-infested uniforms and get back into their gentleman farmer togs. Chiggers are always associated with squalor and dirt floors in books (and you've seen my house), but then I see the evidence on everyone's legs that they probably do just fine in tidy houses, as well.

We also have groundhogs, maybe. We have a great number of mysterious holes, at any rate. I doubt I need to worry about a groundhog bite, though.

[timian.livejournal.com]

A person can spend what feel like highly productive days building homes in The Sims 2, yet have nothing concrete to show for their efforts.

Heh. I've never actually played The Sims. All I ever did was build and decorate houses. That's it. However, I lost days uncounted to the interior decorator crack. SO ADDICTIVE.

In other news, yay! You're back! Ish! Sorry to hear you've had a tough time of it, but one thing you need never worry about is boring us with minutiae. You manage to be perpetually interesting, or at least highly amusing. Which is a good thing.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Me, too. My favorite things are to make and name the people, and to build them appropriate houses. My newest family are the Merkins: I can't remember the parents' first names offhand (!!!) but their twin daughters are Yodel Ann and Manta Rae, who are programmed to be a prude and a whore, respectively. I always have a girl named Manta Rae something-or-other in every neighborhood. It's a (very) little joke that has amused me since the first version of the game was introduced. The other thing I always do is overload my neighborhoods with horny, handsome men so that eventually they start kissing one another. However, I usually get bored after about a half-hour of watching them do whatever they do, and end up making yet another family and another house. This game is an excellent choice for shut-ins, and I don't understand why they don't make that market the focus of their advertising.

I am glad I can amuse :)

[thistle90.livejournal.com]

I have missed seeing you around and I hope an upswing is in your near future.

*hugs*

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) I am also hoping for an upswing. My doctor has mentioned a new drug that could make me "really, really happy," but the prospect of eternal sunshine scares me even more than being constantly irritable and quick to self-immolate. Also, I forgot to ask if it would make me fat, which is unfortunately a very main/vain concern :)

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

I will be your caretaker -- come visit me! First you must respond to that email I sent you. >:D

[oiran.livejournal.com]

*hangs head in shame*

It's been longer than I think since you sent that e-mail, hasn't it? I have a partial reply in my draft folder; I'll get cracking on that.

xxoo

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

We are a pair, aren't we? *smooches*

[goth-clark.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering where you were. Hi and welcome back.

Surly love is just fine.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) As for the surliness, I'm glad everyone is being so nice about the prickly nature of my affection.

[corinna-5.livejournal.com]

Surly love is the best kind of all. So glad to see you again!

[oiran.livejournal.com]

I'm pleased that surly love is proving to be everyone's favorite flavor :)

[terpsichoreslyr.livejournal.com]

Glad to see you back - surly love and all. I missed you quite a lot.

[oiran.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's nice to have been missed :)

[tubenerd.livejournal.com]

1. The light upstairs is really quite lovely around day-break. You just need to be awake for it.

2. Chiggers!

3. Wanna watch some porn?

[oiran.livejournal.com]

1) But it's not enough light to actually accomplish anything by. I have too seen it - albeit because I've been up all night long, rather than because of early rising.

2) I'll never forgive you for mentioning larval forms, you know.

3) Er, okay. But no talons and no black lipliner, agreed?

[anitac588.livejournal.com]

Hi, it great to see your post again. I was happy Rhi mentioned your still kicking around from time to time. sorry about the meds - that is a major drag. I just had a friend going through similar problems and it fucked up her life a lot.

Well, I should renovate my apartment (new wardrobes, new kitchen and floor) and just a mere thought gives me a headache, a severe one.

[alee-gothphyle.livejournal.com]

*cuddles you*

I am sorry to hear about the med problems; I find my own bouts with vertigo inconveniently awful, and would be most distressed by chronic fainting :/ I share your distate for the buggy season, and wonder -- why are all the bugs multiplying exponentially faster this season? I send you cooling thoughts of aloe and solarcaine, and skin that isn't in revolt.

I would love to be your caretaker, and would happily kidnap you and bring you home with me, but you would first have to resign yourself to an environment of total sloth. I do not exagerate when I say this, as it is necessary to re-arrange the path in my room to safely navigate from the door to the bed on a daily basis, and the same holds true for the rest of the house.

Be forwarned, I shall call you again soon and leave yet another annoying message on your machine if you are not answering ;) Oh! And I shall also be sending you some copies of Mirage of Blaze, if I can figure out how to hook up the dvd player to the dvd recorder...

*mwah*

[justblue0162.livejournal.com]

hellooo, lady. i have missed your words.

did i ever tell you that your gorgeous layout is what prompted me to redo my own? the image i found for my journal has served as inspiration and constant reminder of the way i am shaping my life this year.

thank you :)

[kattiya.livejournal.com]

Surly love is wonderful. *backrubs*

[stone-princess.livejournal.com]

Yay! Love!

I took those pills that make you pass out and sleep 20 hours a day. No really condusive to feeling better. Indeed, I think they added a a new kind of self-loathing for me.

I miss you.