because you didn't ask, I'm telling you anyway

[oiran]

The other day, there was a call for porn from a friend (and since it was friends-locked, I'm not naming her), and someone suggested belamionline.com, and I seconded that recommendation and told her to check to see if they still offer the "day pass" for about $5, since otherwise it's just gallery after gallery of tease. But even when you get inside, it gets contrived pretty quickly (albeit, usually not over the course of just one day. heh.) because of the silly storylines, the weird positioning (the one-hand-behind-the-back butler-sex), the lizardy kisses, etc. I've been thinking a lot about porn today, but not in a particularly salacious manner. Instead, I found myself making a list: things I want to see done differently in visual (video) porn, additions and subtractions both:

• Include the donning of condoms. Not that I think it's all that inherently sexy, but the magically wrapped cocks annoy me. And it could be made sexy, probably.


• I don't think I've ever seen anyone prepare their partner for anal sex on film. So, a lube scene would be nice.


• A "penetration shot" that's actually of the person's face. Or both faces. Maybe both at once, in profile.


• Real kissing (not the freaky lip-licking thing that passes for kissing).


• Any hint that the people involved actually like each other.


• Any hint that the people involved actually know each other.


• Ambient sounds of whatever they're doing (breathing, grunting, etc.) rather than an overdub of heavy breathing.


• Realistic positioning, even when it might block the view of the act taking place. Once I've seen that the guy has placed his cock in someone else's body, I tend to believe he's still got it in there when he begins moving around. I've never worried that the other party says, "No, just do the penetration, then you have to stop," and then they fake the rest of the sex.


• Get rid of the Frito nails, especially on the "lesbians." Ow. And get rid of the black lipliner while you're at it.


• There are good fake breasts. Unfortunately, most of those I've seen on video are not the good kind.


• I'd like to see a money shot that isn't, i.e., coming during penetrative sex, not interrupting it to jerk off every single time.


• More shots that aren't just Tab A sliding into Slot B about a thousand times, with special attention to the obvious loops that are intended to draw out the time until a money shot is deemed appropriate.

I haven't seen this in gay porn, but there is/was a recent trend in het porn to have unprotected sex, unprotected anal sex, then immediately go to the blowjob. Ew. I don't care how many enemas that girl has had, or how sanitized her ass…that's just gross. Even worse when it's not her ass he's just pulled out of, but the ass of the other girl (there's always another girl…why is my sex life so lacking in that extra girl?). Transgressive, sure, and on some level I guess I applaud that…but it completely turns me off. Makes me want to brush my teeth seven or eight times, then gargle with bleach. Also, the barebacking is clearly a bad idea, as the recent news about positive HIV tests in the LA adult industry proves.

I hesitate to add "a real story" to the things I'd like to see. Based on the cringe-worthy story offerings I've seen in porn--the "we're friends doing it for the first time--outdoors!" romance storylines for many of the Bel Ami vids, for instance--I might just want to see people showing up for the shoot, saying hello, air-kisses, casual catching-up conversations while they get ready, etc., and then getting down to business. Because I never believe anything about the scenarios. Never. Ever. I'd rather see what really happens when you show up to "act" in an adult film. Let's meet the fluffers!

Like everyone else, I've got a digital camcorder. I just need to meet some pretty (because I'm shallow), dirty show-offs who'll have sex in front of me. Easy, right?

Any additions? Different ideas?

And now I'm going to watch the last two eps of Yami no Matsuei. And then I'll dither about which project to tackle...

Comments

[timian.livejournal.com]

the lizardy kisses

Those have always freaked me out. Do people actually kiss like that? It's creepy. Also, it's been a big to-do in the gay porn industry (or so I've read) that barebacking vids are wildly popular and on the rise. Many of the stars believe HIV is a government plot and AIDS is really some New Age-y lack of self love disease. Or something. It's insane, and sets a tremendously bad idea kernel into a community that already engages in a huge amount of unprotected sex.

[vissy.livejournal.com]

eek to the lizard kissing. What *is* it with that? moonlight_spike posted a nice porn snippet last night, and the blokes kept doing that flickety reptilian thing. I seriously don't understand the appeal or the purpose.

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

I want them to actually show their faces when they come, instead of showing their cock spurting. I mean, really, for me, as a woman, the face is a lot more interesting than the spurting cock 99% of the time. I mean, once you've seen the stuff come out of that little hole, it looks pretty much the same every time.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I mean, once you've seen the stuff come out of that little hole, it looks pretty much the same every time.

Or, you know, it should look the same, basically. If it looks different, there might be trouble. Is that what they're trying to show us, that these people are healthy? Like the porn version of no-animals-were-harmed?

I want faces, too. Or shots where you see how their whole body reacts. Sometimes you get both, but it's still with the pull-out bit...

[metron-ariston.livejournal.com]

the lizardy kisses

Perfect description for something I find so creepy I'm still puzzling how anyone on the planet could find it hot.

I'd like to see a money shot that isn't, i.e., coming during penetrative sex, not interrupting it to jerk off every single time.

Man, I wish. I hate, hate, hate the pull-out-jerk-off thing. Especially since... well, okay, I've seen a lot more straight porn than gay porn, and I really wonder why it's so important for the presumably-straight guy watching to see this well-endowed other guy spectacularly ejaculating. Isn't one of the main points of having sex with someone that you get to come to a sensation other than your own hand? They don't even get one of the other people in the scene to do it. I've even see them do it with blow jobs. It's baffling.

A "penetration shot" that's actually of the person's face. Or both faces. Maybe both at once, in profile.

More shots that aren't just Tab A sliding into Slot B about a thousand times, with special attention to the obvious loops that are intended to draw out the time until a money shot is deemed appropriate.

I'm convinced that these will only show up regularly in porn directed by, and marketed at women.

*stops spamming your posts*

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Man, I wish. I hate, hate, hate the pull-out-jerk-off thing. Especially since... well, okay, I've seen a lot more straight porn than gay porn, and I really wonder why it's so important for the presumably-straight guy watching to see this well-endowed other guy spectacularly ejaculating. Isn't one of the main points of having sex with someone that you get to come to a sensation other than your own hand? They don't even get one of the other people in the scene to do it. I've even see them do it with blow jobs. It's baffling.

The other person point is an especially good one...and I've also wondered about the "fun" for Average Joe of seeing some guy with a massive penis--who is getting to have sex with a girl who has been plumped up and inflated and spackled into a simulacrum of Feminine Perfection--beat off. The psychology of it never makes sense to me. Is it that the advantages of having the giant penis are nullified by making him pull out? Is it just proof that Real Sex took place? Is it that no man would truly feel safe coming inside a plasticized demon goddess?

I'm convinced that these will only show up regularly in porn directed by, and marketed at women.

*stops spamming your posts*

Don't stop!

And, yes, I am full of fervor to magically get my act together and start a porn production company...except I don't know anything about anything. But I know what I like.

And who is that in your icon? I keep thinking I know, but I can't come up with a name. If it is you, I shall feel moderately stupid, but will also admit that I find you hot ;)

[metron-ariston.livejournal.com]

I would buy any porn a slasher has produced, seriously.

And who is that in your icon? I keep thinking I know, but I can't come up with a name. If it is you, I shall feel moderately stupid, but will also admit that I find you hot ;)

Hee, I am unfortunately not even of the correct gender. He is Mackenzie Crook, who stole my heart in The Office and is probably more well-known as the guy with the eye from Pirates of the Caribbean. *hearts him*

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Ah. I have never seen either PotC or The Office, though I have regrets on both counts. And forgive me for my gender confusion, but I used to follow around a woman named "Swan" (nee Susan) who looked basically like Mr. Crook. I wasn't the only one ;)

[stone-princess.livejournal.com]

(there's always another girl…why is my sex life so lacking in that extra girl?)

...



This is all just further proof that some one should give us enough capital for us to start making a name for ourselves in the porn industry.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Do we know anyone with money? I'm not above using wiles to get money, but I need to know where to focus my wiles-related efforts.

We could produce some really hot porn, couldn't we? Gah. WE NEED MONEY. First for shoe shopping (i.e., inspiration!) and then for making a movie.

[stone-princess.livejournal.com]

I don't know anyone with money. Al was nee dis money, I swear we are smart enought o do the rest.

[meret.livejournal.com]

M/M porn made for straight women is the untapped porn market! Several people on my flist have ties to the entertainment industry. We need to pool our resources and produce and market porn. :)

Any hint that the people involved actually like each other.

I've only ever seen the couple kiss after coming once in het or gay porn.

Realistic positioning, even when it might block the view of the act taking place.

The camera angles are sometimes so contrived I find myself wondering exactly where the camera operater had to be to get that shot, rather than paying attention to the porn.

I'd also like to see some het femdom porn where both parties appear to care about each other rather than the mistress be a selfish psycho who hates all men. Especially if he's nervous about it, and she seduces him into it, and he loves it. *eg*

I think there are actually behind the scenes type porn videos, at least het ones.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

My favorite gay porn actor for quite some time was Ion Davidov because he at least seemed like he enjoyed what he was doing...casual, sure, but affectionate about it. I've since gotten bored of him, but at least he seemed to actually like kissing his partners.

re: camera angles. The shots where the camera is situated below standing or kneeling partners, focusing up on the point of contact...they're just freaky. I, too, wonder how they set up the shot, if it was just a camera positioned alonge or an actual camera operator somehow wedged in between their bucking bodies, and if anyone watching finds the shot actually really hot...


I'd also like to see some het femdom porn where both parties appear to care about each other rather than the mistress be a selfish psycho who hates all men. Especially if he's nervous about it, and she seduces him into it, and he loves it. *eg*

Um, yeah. Just...yeah.

[jack-pride.livejournal.com]

Have you checked out blowfish.com and their selection of vids? The reviews sound nicely honest considering that they're discussing products they're trying to sell, and everything's divided into comprehensive categories.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

No, I have not...but now I will ;)

[jack-pride.livejournal.com]

I love the category names, too, like "Surrealistic Weird Shit", "An Actual Plot", "The Good Ol' Days", and "Just Plain Smut", for example. Interestingly enough, most of the real quality stuff seems to fall into the "By Women" category (as well as in whatever other category is belongs to).

I was a bit puzzled by the fact that one is called "Bisexual/Transsexual", since I couldn't quite figure out how the two should be lumped together, but when you click on the link, the top of the page reads:

Yeah, we're still kind of wondering why these are on the same page. But they are. It's weird that a tape with two women having at it is "mainstream," two guys and a woman where the guys ignore each other is "mainstream," but if the guys are doing each other too ... INTO THE BISEXUAL GHETTO WITH YOU, PERVERT. Dumb, but at least you know where to find them.

Cracks me up.

Pity we aren't all rich

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

Most of your complaints I entirely agree with. I'd point out a couple things--there's several heavy bondage videos that feature actors and actresses that react, at least, like they know each other, like they're comfortable with each other. I don't know for sure, but I'd suspect it's because BDSM folk--the good ones, anyway--want to get to know people before skin touches skin.

I'd also say, it's vintage at this point, but the first Bi & Beyond film features, to date, one of the most interesting 'money shots' I've seen--a man who comes within his partner, with a teensy little inset of the same man and the same woman, with the necessary semen streaks. I still remember that film, mostly because of that one scene. And, well, some of the later scenes. :)

There are good fake breasts out there...generally I try to find movies that feature women with real breasts simply because so many women make bad decisions on the breast issue. And I cringe every time one woman with dragon claws goes after another woman with dragon claws. I've actually been known to yell things at the screen.

"Get away from her with those! You'll cut her!"

Thing you didn't mention that bugs me to this day? The fact that many of the sex scenes are overdubbed--not with heavy breathing, per se, but with two other people making sex noises that had no connection to the scene. In good films, they mostly sync up with the mouth movements, but in the bad ones...oh, man, sometimes they don't even match up to the correct gender of the parties involved. Yaaargh.

Re: Pity we aren't all rich

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I can see that would likely be the case with BDSM vids...it's not something that I personally "get," so I've never watched video in that genre.

I've seen clips where the panting and groaning never break even when the onscreen scene switches to lizardy kissing. There at least ought to be some spitty noises, right?

There's just so much missing (or, added in where it oughtn't to be)...it's not that I necessarily think any of it would be sexy in and of itself, but the fact that it would more closely resemble sex a viewer might actually be able to participate in at some point seems very worthwhile to me.

Re: Pity we aren't all rich

[nematoddity.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's one reason I still tune in to HBO's "Real Sex" series...mostly, it's stuph I'm not interested in, but on occasion, they have some fabulous segments, featuring real people, having real sex. Or at least activities that would lead up to it. ;)

There's got to be somebody out there doing something like this...I mean, it's not just three of us sitting around bemoaning the artificiality. There's a whole LOT of people bemoaning the artificiality. It's one thing keeping me from haunting strip bars, now that I'm back in a town that lets women into them. Because it seems 90% of the dancers out here have those really awful fake boobs. Yuck.

Maybe write the ladies at Blowfish...or, hey, the people behind Babes in Toyland in Seattle...think they'd know if anyone in the industry is filming 'real sex/real people' movies?

[tigress35.livejournal.com]

I'd like to see a money shot that isn't, i.e., coming during penetrative sex, not interrupting it to jerk off every single time.

Word word word word. I was just thinking this today. I always figured that gay men just got off more on watching them cum on each other, but I'd much rather see it during the sex. I also do hate the huge missing prep gap from blowjobs to "hey they're fucking now" all of a sudden.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine that a lot of people like to pull out to come in real life. I mean, the whole point of putting cocks into bodies is that it feels better than just leaving them to wave around in the breeze, right?

I'd also like a moment to see the donning of the condom so that I could get a better look at the guy's cock. Some of them are hideous troll parts, sure, but there are some pretty ones out there, and I. WANT. TO. SEE. That's why I'm watching.

And considering that men are supposed to be the ones interested in looking, there are plenty of opportunities to admire the young, nubile, firm flesh of the porn "actors" of both genders that are just passed up.

[pun.livejournal.com]

Yup. I agree with everything you want. Plus a sign that the folks involved are enjoying themselves a little. I mean, come on, it's called ACTING people. Ham it up a little. Doesn't that blow job feel good? But most of all, I think I want the real sex noises. I think that would go a long way to making what you're watching feel less fake since it will engage another one of the senses other than sight.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

The stoicism is really...boring. It's, like, Dude! There's a guy fucking you in the ass! Don't you care? Don't you even notice?

There are several of the big names in gay porn who I really dislike because they just have these inert, pretty, blank-eyed faces that display two or three expressions. The women in het porn, on the other hand, tend to overact in this frighteningly ravenous way, like praying mantises gnawing on cock...

[twigged.livejournal.com]

I think possibly you should produce porn. Gay porn for straight (or not so straight, as the case may be) women.

Also, I want to see Yami no Matsuei. Do you have those on disk, or what??

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I totally should produce gay porn. Jacyn and I have talked about doing that, except there's the part about how we have no fucking clue to overcome...

I can burn you a set of YnM. I have just discovered that the manga set I have (downloaded from sakura crisis) is not complete and I am semi-frantic about that ;)

Unlike AnK (have you watched it?) these characters have dimension, and my response to it is very gooey and girlie and beribboned and sparkly.

[twigged.livejournal.com]

I haven't watched AnK yet. I haven't watched any of my SV season 2 dvds yet either, and I've had them for a week. Hope to get to them this weekends, though. :)

But yeah, I'd love to check that series out!

[logovo.livejournal.com]

At some point a slasher will direct a gay porn video. Hey, it could happen!
*g*

[metal-dog5.livejournal.com]

Totally agree with your list.

Include the donning of condoms. Not that I think it's all that inherently sexy, but the magically wrapped cocks annoy me. And it could be made sexy, probably

Make it part of a blowjob, and voila!

there is/was a recent trend in het porn to have unprotected sex, unprotected anal sex, then immediately go to the blowjob. Ew.

Totally gross. Just as bad is the ass fucking then back to vagina without hesitation. Ew again.

Even worse when it's not her ass he's just pulled out of, but the ass of the other girl

Why is it, when two girls are getting it on, and seem to be really enjoying what they're doing, as soon as a guy appears, they stop and can then only be satisfied by him and him alone?



Other things that would make me watch porn would be:
realistic facial expressions, women not wearing shoes all the time, and get rid of the lame-ass music.

Is it too much to ask for the 'actors' to make me believe they're enjoying themselves?

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Not that I watch a whole heck of a lot of porn (or really, any that I can't download for free), but my 2 cents worth?
I totally get that guys jerking off can be sexy, but this just fails the "why" test. Hot guy, hot girl, and he decides to stop having sex and jerk off instead. Why? I really don't care if both the women and the men fake their orgasms (chances are, they're faking any attraction too). I do not need proof that one of them wasn't.

-Silverkyst