(no subject)

[oiran]

Rumors of my death, etc., etc.

I know that most of my f-list is here because of the promise of dirty stories. I don't know why I'm feeling the need to announce this, but here goes: I doubt I'm going to be writing any more porn about gay teenage Superman. As for other categories of media-based derivative erotica (i.e., yay! cartoon dick!), I have a few things in the works, but I don't believe there's much of an audience for them. Still, I'll finish and post this YnM story that I was supposed to post for the 101 comm at the beginning of the month, and then I'll be "done" for the forseeable future.

So, instead of fanfic, I'm going to work on original stories, which have been virtually ignored for the last couple of years. Nanowrimo is coming and I have an idea I can work with this year. Unsurprisingly, it's got a whopping huge homoerotic component. As that comes pretty easily to me at this point, I'm confident the project will go more or less smoothly. Which is what I said last year, and my Nano attempt was a disaster--but that was last year.

I'm not leaving, per se. I'm keeping my journal. I'm not taking down my site. I don't hate Smallville, and I'm still watching it, but it doesn't really engage me this season. It's not a bad sign, necessarily, but it's a sign of something that my favorite character is Jason, and I'm enjoying Lana. I've got a bunch of ideas that I may or may not finish as fanfiction, but I'm in no hurry to do so.

I've spent two years being the most "popular" I've ever been in my life, and I've discovered I'm no good at it. I don't like the responsibility, and I'm terrible at meeting (or even recognizing) social obligations, as anyone who knows me well can attest.

I did think about deleting my journal but I'm pretty comfortable being "velvetglove" at this point. Rather, I'll leave it up to fannish people to leave me on their lists or not.

Mr. Glove outed me to some RL friends, which upset me more than I thought it would. They already knew I wrote porn, and that I wrote m/m porn. I just hadn't ever told them about the media/derivative aspect because that's what I find embarrassing. I can talk about cock all day long, so long as I don't have to mention that it's Clark Kent's cock that gets me all the positive attention online.

obadiah: No one knows why my dog was so ill. Pathology showed nothing. While all agree that this was probably a mycobacterium of some sort, there's no proof. Based on his symptoms, the most likely culprit should have been easily identified, but that wasn't the case. We're not feeling the closure like we'd hoped, though neither is our Beloved Veterinarian, which does provide a bit of perverse comfort.

We're going to wait until after our trip to New Orleans and then we'll pick up his ashes and…do whatever. I really don't know.

nola: As for Halloween in New Orleans, I have fangs. And dainty girl horns. And my tiara will finally have a public showing.

Comments

[rhiannonhero.livejournal.com]

Yay for no carbon monoxide poisoning. I'm obviously going to defriend you now that you're not writing SV porn. That's all I liked you for anyway. Heh.

Also, I love you, miss you, and am sorry that you don't have closure on Obie. :( Hopefully that will come one way or another.

I'm thrilled, though, about your focus on original stuff. You are a great storyteller, writer, etc, and I'm glad you're going to give that some attention in that way. Yay! And yay for Nanowrimo!

Seriously, I do miss you. Life isn't good w/o my bi-monthly dose of Jed.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Are you going to do Nano again this year? I know they have all kinds of "rules" about starting something new, but there's no reason you couldn't commit to another 50,000 words of BTP, right?

I miss you, too. You'll have to come visit after we get back from nola and we can go to the nice Big Gay Disco.

[tehomet.livejournal.com]

The so-called dirty stories don't hurt, but basically, like many people I am quite certain, I'm here because I enjoy whatever you write. So, I'm glad you're not taking down your lj or site, and more power to your elbow with the original fiction.

Regarding the embarrassment of the media-derivative aspect versus the smut aspect, I know exactly what you mean.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I have a hard time understanding how it came about that I wrote so much about...Superman. I don't give a shit about Superman, and I never have. Except, apparently, I did/do. Sort of.

The day I thought I'd delete my journal, I got online and discovered that Wendi had bailed and I didn't want to be...coattailing her, I guess. And then I decided there was no reason to leave, though I do feel better just having stated that there's nothing more to be expected from me.

I'm being lazy, answering here rather than where you posted, but thank you for your kind wishes about the dog. He was a very sweet puppy and I am really missing him.

[dougiefelchtone.livejournal.com]

I'm not here for dirty stories.
I just enjoy talking to my friend.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

But I wrote them all for you!

[twigged.livejournal.com]

Dude, I would be so sad if you deleted your LJ. Most of the content here is non-Supes related, anyway, so it doesn't make sense to me. Please stay! *clings*

And, er... I announced the same thing in my LJ a few days ago. No more Clex for me, either. I do still have that pleasure slave!Lex AU that I'd like to finish, but I have serious doubts that I ever will.

I'm excited about whatever you write, though. Original, or cartoon dick, or whatever, as long as it makes you happy. Love you, hon.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm staying! I did consider deleting (and activating evil twin itchymitten instead), but that doesn't do me any good; all it would do is make an official (and overly dramatic) division between fannish-focused and not. Except there really hasn't ever been a hardcore fannish focus to my journal in the first place, so what would be the point? Besides, as I mentioned in a comment above, the day I decided to delete was the day Wendi said goodbye, and I'm too big a diva to share bowing out ;)

xxoo to you, too.

[mei-x.livejournal.com]

My own personal interest in SV fanfiction has diminished to near non-existence. In any case, fandom and one's involvement in it shouldn't be about obligations at all, but about how much enjoyment one get out of it. So I respect your choices (and everyone else's for that matter -- that's why I didn't personally get all verklempt about the recent departures). People move on and as long as their lives are going well, that's great and I wish them well.

I'm glad you're still here, though, because I'm interested in the various things you have to say.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I haven't enjoyed fic in recent months - not because there hasn't been good writing, but because I no longer can engage with a happy-happy premise, and recent fic has mostly been "denialist" in nature.

In any case, fandom and one's involvement in it shouldn't be about obligations at all, but about how much enjoyment one get out of it.

Whether it's based in reality or not, the feeling I've had that there are people tolerating my presence in hopes of getting another story out of me needed to be addressed in some way so that I could get over myself and move on. I've hopefully done it with minimal drama/trauma ;)

I actually wasn't particularly surprised that the recent departures occurred, as I'd sensed dissatisfaction in those quarters for some time, perhaps because of how I've been feeling.

The journals I enjoy reading most (yours included) have relatively little fannish content, or it's in some way proportionate to the writer's life as a whole. On the few occasions when I actually like people, I do like them better than TV shows ;) I'm glad we'll remain in each other's orbits.

[batdina.livejournal.com]

will you share pictures of the public showing of your tiara? please?

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

If we get any, I certainly will. It will be Halloween in New Orleans and I'll probably be somewhat drunk, so if Mr. Glove or anyone else gets a good one of me, I'll post it. I take a better picture when I'm a bit tipsy, as I lose my fear of leering smilking on camera, so the possibility of something I deem attractive enough to post is good.

[pun.livejournal.com]

I just hadn't ever told them about the media/derivative aspect because that's what I find embarrassing. I can talk about cock all day long, so long as I don't have to mention that it's Clark Kent's cock that gets me all the positive attention online.

I feel the same way. Writing gay porn is not embarrassing. Writing stories about Clark and Lex being boyfriends? Very embarrassing. So here's my question, was their reaction what you expected? Did they seem to think that this hobby is indeed unbearbly dorky or we they just all, "ho hum"?

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Well, most people seem "ho hum" about it because, very likely, they have dorky, embarrassing hobbies of their own. On the one hand, I'm glad that Mr. G doesn't find my hobby too embarrassing to share with his friends, but I'm finding that I do. It needs a context, IMO, and it's not the best first thing for people to know about me. Gay porn, sure - TV character gay porn, a definite NO.

I'm most upset about this one: he generously shared my LJ name with someone local who only knew that I wrote, actually, and whom I haven't spoken with since that revelation. For all I know, she doesn't care, but I'd have preferred to be the one to tell her about the derivative gay porn personally. Oh, and I also say that she's pretty in past LJ posts. Which is true, but it might seem stalkerish.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

*pats you*

Sorry, lassie, I ain't going nowhere.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Well, good. I want you to stay ;)

[oehel.livejournal.com]

For what it's worth, I'm glad you're staying anyway. I like your various posts, and I loove your writing, regardless of fandom/media/thing. :)
I'm so sorry about your dog - lack of closure sort of sucks. Take care?

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you're glad ;) I have been feeling oddly guilty about not being fannish. While I feel kind of foolish for making a public declaration, I also feel better for having done it.

re: dog. Thank you. I miss him.

[leela-cat.livejournal.com]

I didn't start reading your LJ for the SV fic, so I'm definitely glad you're not deleting it.

Good luck with the original fic.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Thank you ;) And good luck to you, too.

[bluesheart.livejournal.com]

I admit I first starting reading your journal for your stories but now I just read your journal to see what you have to say and if there is story great. Sorry to hear that they could not find what wrong with your dog.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad it's worth your time even without the stories ;)

The dog thing has been really hard on us. We miss him, and we are just going to have to accept that his illness will always be a mystery. I hate that.

[isagel.livejournal.com]

*hugs her junkyard girl*

I'm not surprised you want to leave the fannish writing behind you. It's been coming for quite some time, hasn't it? You're the most gifted writer I've had the privilege of meeting in fandom, and I would be disappointed if you never tried to put that talant to use in original fiction. I'm so looking forward to seeing what comes of that. And I'm still going to read your journal, no matter what.

I'm gradually heading the same way myself, I believe. I think that with The Same River, I said everything I had left to say about the canon versions of Clark and Lex. I am of course committed to the AU series I've started (I think a lot of people would turn up at my doorstep with tar and feathers if there wasn't any more Captured *g*), but other than that, it's doubtful if I'll ever write Smallville again. And apart from the couple of pieces I've started in other fandoms (notably the PotC thing that's currently eating my brain), I don't think I will end up doing any more fanfiction.

What I will do is sit down and write the original novel set in ancient Rome that's been gradually taking shape in my mind over the last year. I'm very, very excited about this project, and I think it's part of why there hasn't been any new fic from me for so long. I guess I've come to a point where I'd rather create my own universe than play with someone else's. Still there is this fear inside that no one will want to know me anymore if I don't post fiction. I'll have to try to be a more interesting person, I guess.

*rereads last sentence* Gah, I'm doomed!

(Speaking of the PotC project, the voices in my mind have been going: "Maybe I should ask Jed to beta this?" - "Are you nuts, she hated the movie!" - "But she always makes my stories better. And it isn't Disneyesque. Really." - "But she hated the movie!" Any thoughts on this?)

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think it has been coming for a bit. The last few things I've posted, either on LJ or archives or just my own site, have been...different. Not necessarily better or worse, but stretching a little to see how far fanfic readers would follow. I can't be upset that most people don't want to follow because I have a sense of what fanfic is for, and I've run out of interest in that sort of writing at the moment. I really love some of the things I've written - and some that I still may finish - but I need to play with my own characters again.

One of the many nice things about Captured is that it could be made into original fic without much trouble, or incorporated into something larger, since the Clark character's powers are mostly of being hot and sweet ;) I would be joining the angry mob on your doorstep, so you probably should add to it at some point.

As for PotC, I read your Sparrington and loved it. I'd happily beta PotC for you because I liked those characters - I just didn't like the boring movie they found themselves in. So please do send it to me when you want an opinion.

[swanswan.livejournal.com]

I read this entry about an hour ago, and then went off and did something else entirely. Then I realised that I was feeling sad for some reason, and when I thought about it and puzzled out what it was (because sometimes I have to interrogate my own frickin emotions like a good cop/bad cop tag team) I realized that it was your entry. I'm not sure why, though. You'll still be around - aces; you're not writing more clex - well, i'm not reading much, for one, and you can never say never with fandom, for another; and you're writing original fic, which i have always loved (will you post some of it? would really enjoy reading any bits you're happy (enough) with).

Huh. Now I have written it out, I feel better. I think it was the fact of you nearly deleting which shook me. Please don't. I'd miss you. You'd just be... gone. Who would add black and white elegance to my friends page if velvetglove were no longer? Aaaaand I'm starting to sound a bit pathetic, so will shut up.

(sorry about the outing, btw. that smarts)

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Aw...you Island Primitives are so sentimental. Also, very picturesque in your potato bras as you stand, mouths agape and eyes glazed with wonder, about the toilet scrying pool.

As for deleting, I'm grateful to the people who did recently leave for articulating why they felt they should. Reading their posts led me to realize that I actually feel no need to leave the general LJ arena, but that I did (and do) feel that I'd be happier if I made a state-of-my-fandom post to give those who are here purely for the porn an easy out, should they want it.

You're the only person on the planet who has read those original bits, you know. It only occurred to me that this was the case while I was poking through the files the other day. I don't mean to imply that reading my original fic is some great honor, but it's at least a curiosity ;)

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

I like having you around, so I'm glad you're not evaporating.

I am so sorry about you dog. I wish there were an answer. I'll just hope for some peace for you.

B

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

I was actually planning on dematerializing in a cheshire cattish way, but now that's all on hold ;)

Thank you re: dog. And peace.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Hee! Well, I'm going to keep using the icon, so I guess you're going to have to stick around.

[msdaccxx.livejournal.com]

Dude, don't delete. Sure, I've loved your fic. You've written some of my all-time favourite fic, but I'm on board because you are a classy bird and a dirty girl and I like you, dumbass.

There's a lot of it about, I tell you what. You're just articulating what quite a few people are feeling. Myself, it's not that I'm no longer interested in TV shows or slash specifically, it's just that I'm finding a renewed interest in things I was neglecting like music and books and the like. And I can locate subtext in just about anything, so you can be sure teh homosexualisticness of it all will still be pinging my queerdar. Just maybe less telly is all ;)

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Lately, I'm remembering that I used to do a lot of things, both creatively and just in terms of living. So I'm thinking that writing original fic and taking trips to fun places is in order, and that I can lay off the spoiler wars and sniping about characterization without it having a negative impact on my day-to-day.

And I do find it can be just as satisfying to go out into the world and watch actual boys actually kissing as opposed to wishing that fictional boys would at least give it a try on a Very Special Episode one of these days...

"Dumbass" is fast becoming a popular endearment. I've found myself using it on a daily basis.

[meret.livejournal.com]

I hope you'll still continue to post, fannish content or not. You'd be missed! *hugs*

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'll still be here. But I feel better having made a silly pronouncement re: no longer writing SV. Rest assured, I will continue to keep everyone updated on the gloriousness of my hair, my angst about writing original fiction, and the status of my various Mrs. Robinsonesque/chickenhawky flirtations.

I am glad I'd be missed ;)

[runpunkrun]

I'm sad that I won't get any more of your fabulously dirty stories about a gay teenaged Superman, but I'll be sticking around because I like reading your journal. I bet I'd even like reading your original fiction, if you ever decide to share it with the internet.

[velvetglove.livejournal.com]

Well, thank you. And as for original fiction, I probably will share, and you're the sort whose opinion I'd be interested in, so it's likely you'll see some of it eventually ;)

Re:

[yeungmaisu.livejournal.com]

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

I feel terrible replying to this so late, but I'm extremely happy you decided to keep your journal. While I enjoy your fiction and hope to see your original work soon, you were the reason I friended you. And though I haven't commented recently, I always make a point of reading your journal to see how you're doing.

As for your dog, I am so sorry for your loss. Try, if you can, to remember the happy times you shared. It won't lessen the pain, but it will give you something positive to focus on.

Please take care of yourself and all the best to you and yours always.